I enjoyed the 2007 Rodriguez/Tarantino double-bill GRINDHOUSE as much as the next guy (OK, maybe a little more), and I welcome any and all “grindhouse-flavored” releases that make it to the video shelves.

Mind you, I like old, weird films. Period. Just because a print has some scratches on it and a glitchy audio track, doesn’t necessarily enhance the “grindhouse” experience for me.

So it was with some reservation that I picked up Media Blaster’s recent “Grindhouse Double Feature” disc promoting “scratchy and degraded prints” of two direct-to-video films: 2006’s DEAD RIOT and 2003’s wonderfully titled, FLESH FOR THE BEAST. The packaging also touted the dubious special feature of “optional grindhouse audience chatter … designed to distract and annoy you to the very end.”

Uh-oh.

The disc is the latest in a series of releases from various companies designed to capitalize on last year’s GRINDHOUSE, a double-feature throwback to the 1970s and early 80s that the average bell-curvish movie public (i.e., the under 30 demographic) probably didn’t understand. It would be remiss of me not to mention that GRINDHOUSE was a box office flop, although recent sales of the individual movies featured in GRINDHOUSE — Rodriguez’s Carpenter-esque PLANET TERROR and Tarantino’s loquacious carsploitation flick DEATH PROOF — have reportedly put it in the black.

Still, this has not stopped distributors from trotting out the sleaziest and weirdest films they have access to and dropping them on shelves right next to the SAW trilogy and the latest Americanized J-horror. Personally, I think that’s a good thing if it’s done right.

BCI/Eclipse is one company that seems to “get it.” Their “Welcome to the Grindhouse” series of double features is a re-branding of their pre-GRINDHOUSE “Starlight Drive-In” DVDs and generally features decent digitally re-mastered anamorphic transfers of unflinchingly foul and fantastic films such as Crown International’s THE TEACHER and SUPERCHICK and a host of Sonny Chiba gems, such as KARATE WARRIORS and SISTER STREET FIGHTER.

It’s not hard to find other good drive-in/grindhouse fare. Distributors such as Something Weird Video have extensive online catalogs. VCI is also producing a series of double features discs; and Media Blasters, under their Shriek Show banner, released just this year, a “Grindhouse Psychos” three-pack that looks promising.

Which brings us back to Media Blasters and the ultimate focus of this diatribe, the problematic DEAD RIOT/FLESH double feature.

First off, these films were both made in this century, so they never played in a grindhouse. Still, I can appreciate the fact that both are homages to sleaze cinema. Both films were actually created by Media Blaster’s production arm, Fever Dreams, and honestly, they looked intriguing. For a reasonable price (around $15), it seemed like a slam dunk to pick up the two-disc set.

Viewing DEAD RIOT revealed the second problem: The fake print aging. Why take a modern film like DEAD RIOT, which was shot on VIDEO, and digitally add dust and scratches and grunge to the print? As far as I can tell the film was not released this way in 2006. The patina was apparently added to make it more “grindhousey,” specifically, to look more like the digitized faux-finish of abuse in PLANET TERROR. The soundtrack has also been altered and now features random pops, clicks and squelches that seem to appear during key moments in the dialog.

There’s also the matter of so-called “missing reels.” During what was possibly the film’s only real shameful scene — girl-on-girl action in a prison shower — the picture suddenly drops out and we stare at black video for nearly a minute before the next “reel” begins.

Rodriguez and Tarantino both employed similar techniques in GRINDHOUSE, but it was for comedic and/or stylistic effect, since they essentially emulated the perceived notion of a grindhouse experience. One could argue that DEAD RIOT was doing the same thing. That’s fine, but my hang-up has more to do with the fact that the movie was not created this way originally. (For the record, I think George Lucas’ tweaks to the Star Wars trilogy suck also!) Perhaps I’m wrong in assuming DEAD RIOT wasn’t meant to be seen with digital scratches and missing reels? It’s not well done and it adds nothing to the film.

I think it’s a clear-cut case of McLuhan-inspired design: You know the old adage; the medium is the message. The film’s storyline is eventually irrelevant. Hell, substitute the feature with an episode of Golden Girls, add some scratches and audio sputters and enjoy your “grindhouse experience.” Does it matter anymore?

This is even more prevalent when watching DEAD RIOT with the “audience chatter” turned on. Basically, the film’s Dolby 2.0 audio was transposed into 5.1 channel audio with the audience chatter and projection booth clatter added to the surrounds. The result is a HIGHLY annoying cacophony of noise. I managed to stomach it for about 30 minutes before I got sick of the mechanical projection sounds. The chatter itself is fairly dull, even though a pop-culture reference every now and then brightens it up. Still, I’m not sure why you would watch it with the chatter on. It’s too random and unfocused to be enjoyable even on a MST3K level. Clearly, it’s intended for a younger audience — those insolent movie-goers who constantly check their cell phone, send IMs and talk amongst themselves during films.

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