Shriek Show / Widescreen 1.85:1 / 93 minutes

Spanish director Jess Franco’s French film FACELESS is the sort of convoluted Euro-trash that borders on depraved but mostly dabbles in inanity. The plots are weak, the acting is vapid and the special effects are only OK. But as bad as the movie is a handful of Purell and a hot shower best accompany a viewing of the so-so FACELESS.

Dr. Frank Flamand (Helmut Berger) is a brilliant plastic surgeon catering to the most vein and wealthy women in Europe. He treats his patients through the essence of youth, literally harvesting the tissue and organs of young street harlots. His wife Nathalie (porn actress Brigitte Lahaie) runs his clinic in a most dominatrix style making sure the old biddies don’t wander too far from their room lest they learn too much about the secret procedures going on in private ORs. After a decadent night in gay Paris with his wife and sister Ingrid (Christiane Jean) a vengeful former patient confronts him with her scars from a botched surgery one-year prior. She opens a jar and throws a liquid at his face exclaiming “I’ve got a surprise for you!” but not before Ingrid pushes him aside, and takes the acidic mixture in the face. She screams in agony and begins tearing flesh from her face leaving behind tender subcutaneous meat. After her sacrifice Dr. Frank dedicates himself to repairing the now hamburgered appearance of his beloved sibling. He seeks the help of Dr. Moser, a former Nazi surgeon infamous for medical experimentations on unanaesthetized patients. They troll for and find the beautiful model Barbara Hallen (Caroline Munro) who is the daughter of American businessman Terry Hallen (Telly Savalas). The mad doctor’s ultimate plan is to transplant the face of Barbara on Nathalie but in the mean time Terry hires private investigator Sam Morgan (Christopher Mitchum) to find Barbara and bring her home. Sam’s search through Paris brings him to the Hospital of Horrors that is Dr. Frank’s clinic. The question is, has he arrived in time to save Barbara and will he bring the sadistic surgeons to justice?

Berger plays a sinister Dr. Frank with clichéd sliminess reminiscent of most Timothy Dalton roles. I had to think twice about it but I believe we actually never see the doctor perform any sort of operation or procedure. Nathalie does all the assisting in the OR with Dr. Moser and besides that, Dr. Frank just visits his adoring patients in their room and soaks up the glory. He spends most of his time watching his security cameras (which can bring up both black and white surveillance views or full color home videos) or having nightmares over his sister’s accident. Given the latitude of the story’s ridiculousness, it’s a shame Berger didn’t play up his role more.

There is also a disturbing and very confusing incest vibe between Dr. Frank and his sister. In the beginning Dr. Frank scoots around town like he’s got two high dollar escorts on each arm. He kisses Nathalie while Ingrid watches with longing eyes. He buys them expensive clothes and they frolic until the fateful acid incident. Later Dr. Frank emotes anguish for Ingrid’s charred features while burying his head in her buxom and clutching at her silk pajamas. When he reminisces on past times, he remembers Ingrid’s obligatory glamour shot poses, sneaking up behind her and giving her generous open mouth kisses. This had me thinking that I had the names and characters reversed as I watched but if that was the case then things really are incestuous since Nathalie gives the doc a B-job as he watches his Ingrid on the security monitors. So this is either a weird European thing or it is more likely a sleazy subtext that makes everybody all the more perverse.

Nathalie is quite the companion for the doc and seems to do all the work at the death clinic. She regularly checks on the imprisoned women and gets rid of suspicious patients (needle to the eye!) She hires gigolo’s for Ingrid and hangs at lesbian bars fishing for that next “special someone” to be harvested for the clinic. But she does it for the love of her husband who has a fetish for watching her make-out with hookers on surveillance monitors. In the end she gets the best of Sam and Barbara and things end ala Poe’s Cask of Amontillado.

Investigator Sam Morgan is only the crust of a tough guy. His signature move is grabbing people by the collar, gritting his teeth and shaking. Apparently this is intimidating enough to win information from the likes of the homosexual and strip club loser he bullies. His character is introduced when Hallen’s (Savalas) secretary notifies him that a “Mafioso” looking guy is waiting to see him (ookaaay). Hallen chuckles, “Watch out for your women’s intuition. He’s not a gangster, he’s a private eye” (rrriiigght). When he arrives at a French morgue to determine if a beheaded corpse is Barbara’s he slips his hand between her crotch.

He grins, “It’s not Barbara Hallen.”

The French inspector, “Are you sure?”

“Positive. Barbara has a discreetly placed mole.”

Sam you sly dog you. Besides this moment of enlightening investigating his macho-style is stilted. Mitchum does what he can with the role and at least gets a chance to dispatch of the films most unsettling character Gordon.

As Igor was to Frankenstein, so is Gordon to Dr. Frank. Gordon stays out of sight and gets his hands dirty by getting rid of the bodies of the women that are murdered. I guess you could say he’s the lab tech of the clinic. But he’s also got some repressed sexual aggression, which may be the reason for his time trial helmet-head hair and eyebrowless forehead. Gordon eventually gets some though by forcing himself upon Barbara in her rubber padded holding cell. Oddly enough his punishment for bruising Barbara’s face (making Nathalie have to go find another subject for the transplant) is to let Ingrid have her way with him. So I assume in this universe of vanity even the monstrous Gordon has his standards and finds the malformed beauty repulsive - such complaints coming from a guy who rapes beautiful women, swaps spit with decapitated heads and drills holes into nurses’ skulls with concrete drill bits.

Nothing beguiles the 80s flare of FACELESS like the ballad “Faceless” performed by Vincenzo Thoma. His tenacity is brutal but seems grossly out of context immediately following a scene where Ingrid jabs a giant pair of scissors through the throat of a gigolo she had fetched for the lonely Nathalie. But when is 80s pop ever really a useful tool in film? Ha.

Another sign of the times includes Hallen’s constant mentioning of his answering machine. He makes sure to point out to Sam that should he be unreachable by phone “just leave a message on my answering machine”. He says it like 2 or 3 times. High tech man. And while I’m thinking about it why is Hallen’s last line of the film spoken in French? Very weird.

From what I’ve read on the web, this is one of Franco’s better films with a budget for higher quality visual effects. That said I don’t know that I’m the biggest fan of Franco’s style or storytelling. But I admire the fact that like Joe D’Amato, he is a one-stop shop for quick ‘n dirty sleaze. He’s served as director for 187 movies, writer for 161, actor for 83, composer for 67, editor for 43, producer for 21 and cinematographer for 21. Stats like that can’t be ignored so while I didn’t care much for FACELESS it’s only fair I sample more from Franco in the future. For a more in-depth analysis I’d point you to Tim Lucas’ essay “How to Read a Franco Film” in the very first issue of Video Watchdog magazine (1990). If you can find one that is.

The DVD itself pretty much blows. I’ve had to restart playback numerous times and the disc whines and gurgles when I try to access special features. Apparently this is an issue for others owning this particular Shriek Show disc as well. When it does work there are interviews with Chris Mitchum, Caroline Munro and Franco along with trailers and a stills gallery. There is also a Franco and Lina Romay commentary in French with subtitles but excluding the movie’s audio as background sound for reference. Annoying to say the least.

FACELESS saves just enough face for 2.25 stars: Just Barely Gettin’ Rough.